The Thin Line Between Life and Death
by RoryReneeMercedees
Summary: What would happen if life was cruel? How would Jess handle it? New Style I'm trying. It's very... Well I guess you have to read to find out... Sad...


**AN: Not at all Christmassy. Really sad, I know. Sorry if it bums you out but I found this, and yes the poem was written by me, and I had to write something using this. It just needed a story to go with it. Um...**

Disclaimer: Don't own anything other than this poem and the plot of this story the rest belongs to someone I don't know and wish I was... and so on and so forth. Now the story:

_The pieces are so broken, _

_And she looks so sad, _

_Her eyes used to sparkle, _

_She used to be so happy, _

_She used to be all bubbly, _

_She always knew, _

_But never told, _

_And know she's sitting here all alone, _

_And it's all her fault, _

_And no one knows how she feels_

_Because she hides_

_It behind her smile and her acting skills, _

_And it's no ones fault but her own, _

_So when the news comes _

_And she's dead I'm not surprised, _

_Supposed she slipped _

_And some glass cut her wrist, _

_But we all know the truth, _

_She just got sick of this life, _

_So she took it away, _

_And now I never see those eyes _

_That used to sparkle, _

_And I never see that smile that gave me butterflies, _

_And she took me with her, _

_But its too late it's what has been done _

_And where both gone_

I looked at what I just wrote and tried to stop the tears from falling. I knew the Logan guy was a jerk but I never thought he would drive her to this. It wasn't until recently I found out....

Three months ago, I went to her apartment with my latest book. I just wanted to show her it. She was sharing one with Logan.

It made me jealous that a jackass like him could get the girl and after all I've been through I can't.

So I went to her apartment and I heard screaming. One of them was Rory and the other was a man. Then, I heard a scream on pain. Rory was crying. That's all I needed, I kicked open the door. It was dark in their apartment but I could still see how fancy it was, how expensive, but I could not see them.

Rory was still screaming. I followed her voice to the bedroom. I kicked open the door not caring if it broke. It did but again I didn't care. Not like mister blonde dick couldn't pay for it.

Rory had tears on her face. She was clutching her side and had bruises on her arm. It tore me apart to see her like that. What threw me over the edge was Logan expression. It was furious and not satisfied with what he had done. He wanted more. He wanted to cause more damage to her than he already done. Then, I realized something. He was drunk. Not that it justified what he did, not in the slightest, but at least he didn't know what he was doing. Maybe he would be sorry in the morning. But on look at the bruises told me otherwise, there were some that were old. If he was sorry, it wasn't enough to stop drinking.

I was pissed. I was beyond my senses I had no other emotion then anger. I punched him in the jaw. I kept punching again and again. I don't know where I punched him nor do I care. At some point I heard Rory call my name. It made me pause. Logan swatted at me and hit me square in the jaw. He wasn't weak. It left a bruise. I didn't let him hit me or anyone else that night. I punched him a couple more times until he passed out. It was either from me hitting him or the amount of alcohol. The cops were called immediately.

Logan was locked up. Lorelai, Luke, and I made sure of it. Lorelai was suspicious of me being there but she obviously knew I loved her or at least cared about her enough not to hurt her, well not physically. Luke knew all to well how I felt about her and didn't doubt my word or sincerity.

The trail was long, for Logan and his rich father could afford a good lawyer. But there were too many words against him. He tried to blame it on me but he was declared to drunk to remember his name on that day. He had exceeded the limit by a lot. I mean the cop who was used to people drinking way too much was shocked by the amount of alcohol.

More time passed and soon, Lorelai noticed a change in her daughter. Rory tried to hide her pain but Lorelai and I knew her too well. We noticed. Her eyes gave her away. She was a good actress for such a bad liar. We sent her to consoling to talk about it. We tried everything in our power. We soon gave up on our power and used a greater one. Emily Gilmore. She was eager enough to help. She, too, noticed a difference or perhaps she was just worried and believed Lorelai. Regardless, she got the most expensive, best help she could find.

Everything failed. We missed important signs. We thought she was better off than she was. She hid her emotions quite well. Maybe she learned from me, maybe from the cruelness of the world. But for whatever reason, she began to become more blocked. She would only let down her guard for Lorelai and me. And even then, she didn't let it down far enough. We thought she was doing better than she was. We thought she was going to recover.

We were wrong. Dead wrong. Dead in the literal sense. I had to leave for Philly but I would return in a week. After I sold my share of the bookstore.

Whoever was supposed to be watching her wasn't doing a good job. It was Dean, I believe. He fell asleep while watching her. She found a knife.... and ended her life.

When I returned, they were all grieving. Lorelai was the one to tell me.

I knocked on the door. A sad, Lorelai opened it.

"How is she?" Those were the first words out of my mouth. Lorelai and I had entered an odd relationship. We agreed whatever was best for Rory goes. We both saw how much the other cared and couldn't help but love them for it. We hated each other but we loved each other. In a friendly matter of course.

"She's... She's" Lorelai broke out in tears and I pulled her into a hug.

"Not well, I take it." I said my face contorted with pain.

"I don't know," Lorelai said bitterly. And when I cocked my head she said, in shaky voice. "She's... She's... Dead, Jess... Dead."

Tears fell from both of our faces and neither attempted to hide our pain from each other. Dean walked in from the other room.

He looked just as sad and pathetic as I did. Lindsey also walked out behind him. Not at all pleased with how sad he was. It was not the pain of losing a friend. No, it was the pain of losing you true love. I was in the same boat as him. Just as sad. Just as pathetic. Although, unlike him, I didn't have a wife and a kid to go back to and I guess that made a difference to Lindsey. He eyes softened when she saw my pain. When she saw Dean's instead of softening she grew mad. Don't tick off a pregnant lady. Dean learned that the hard way. A really big diamond ring was thrown at him head. And when she wasn't satisfied with that, a lamp was attempted to be thrown at him until Lorelai took it away.

I couldn't say I blamed him. And it was until latter that I saw all of this. I was to in my own world. My eyes and ears were picking up sounds and sights but my mind couldn't comprehend them. It wasn't until latter that I could even understand anything. I was too busy trying to convince myself that it wasn't true. That Rory was going to walk into the room. I didn't mind if she was depressed, as long as she was alive and breathing. I longed to hear her voice. Her walk, anything, anything at all that would tell me that it was some cruel joke.

My ears were ringing. My mind was... well, not working. I was in a daze. Luke was also there. He took me back to the diner. It wasn't until I was there that I realized that Luke was here and that we had left the crap shack. The name stung to think of. It was Lorelai and _Rory's_ name for it. It hurt too much to think of this town, let alone her name. Anything that I knew she so much as looked at cut me.

I had heard about heartbreak. I read about it. I felt it when I left Rory, well pick a time, but never had I felt anything as bad as this. When I left I knew I was doing it for her own good. May not have been why I left, let's face it I was scared, but it was a benefits. She no longer had me to ruin her perfection. I knew she was well and, perhaps, even better. But this time, I knew she wasn't coming back. It was a horrible thought. My chest hurt and my heart felt like it was going to break into tiny pieces, if it already hadn't. My insides were attacking me. I couldn't think over all the pain. One thought ran through my head, _Rory's dead_, it said over and over again.

I had few reasons to live. The strongest being Rory, there was also Luke, Liz, Chris, Matt, and just recently added was Lorelai. The biggest and strongest tie to living was just wrenched away from me.

Luke seemed to read my mind. "Don't do anything stupid. I just lost Rory. I loved her like she was own. I don't want to lose you, too." He had much grief in his voice. He didn't let me out of his sight.

The funeral was long and it was hard to bear. So many people had so much to say. She was loved by everyone. Hell, even Shaine, who had been her rival for a long while said she was going to miss her so much. She shed tears and looked very sincere.

Lorelai said the first speech. Then Luke. Then me. Her father, Chris was next, followed by the grandparents. The whole goddamned town had something to say.

Everyone was sad. Logan was informed and he sent cards and flowers and all that he could from his cell. I hope he rots in hell for what he caused. Or at very least his cell. The made his sentence longer for the causing her death. I knew he felt responsible. I he was.

But he wasn't the only one who felt like it was there fault. Lorelai said she shouldn't have gone to that meeting. She should have let Sooke go alone, or let Sooke stay behind to watch her. I felt that I shouldn't have left. Luke thought he should have taken the day off from the diner. Dean thought it was his fault for falling asleep. Emily and Richard felt it was their fault for allowing her to see a guy like Logan, for not hiring better services, and even for influencing her to go to Yale. I could take blame for the latter, also.

It was all of our faults. It was none of our faults. We all agreed on two things though. One, that Logan should suffer the consequences. Two, that we couldn't change what happened to Rory. It was her choice.

In those two months, I had grown to be a very silent suffer but when the closed her casket and started to lower her in the ground my sobs were the loudest and Lorelai was right behind me. We were the most comforted. I didn't want anyone's comfort.

I moved back into the town I swore that I would never return to. Someone always had a watchful eye on me. Luke was a constant visitor at my apartment. Which was the very same one I had lived in when I was seventeen. When Luke wasn't around, someone else was.

I wrote book of our story and made sure the whole world, or at least the part that could read knew what Logan Huntzburger really was. It made the top seller list. It was a hit said to be famous for its raw emotions and insight on the thin line between death and life. If only they knew how much more pain I couldn't describe that I felt.

I wrote, this before heading to the bridge:

_This is what I wanted. I can't live knowing she's not alive. I'm sorry for those who will feel pain in what I am about to do. I have learned how to love only because I laid eyes on Rory Gilmore. Love and pain can become on in the same, as said by someone... Pat Benatar. As, so is the story of what happened to me. I can't think a thought without feeling more pain than humanity was supposed to feel. It will never go away, so I shall. I don't know what else I can say except that I know this is for the better. I am a burden to too many, already. Thanks for everything to anyone who deserves it. Goodbye._

The bridge can be a dangerous place, even though it is beautiful. I found that out the first time I went for a swim. Well, not willingly. I was pushed. I had to fight and fight really hard to stop from drowning. This time I wouldn't fight. I jumped in. I let the water overcome me. I had read that this was a peaceful way to die. It was. The reflection of the sun made the water very pretty. I blacked out.

The next thing I knew was that there were white walls surrounding me. Lorelai had found my note and ran, yes ran, the bridge. She had called for a more fit helper, though. Luke made it before her and fished me out.

I was in a hospital.

Lorelai walked in. She did not look please. "You fell. Please tell me you fell. I know, I just know, that you wouldn't do this to me."

"If a lie is what you want."

"There is a thin line between life and death. I'm not letting you cross it cuz once you leave there's no coming back."

Luke, Liz, Lorelai, Chris, and Matt were all there. I realized that I was loved and did love each and everyone of them. It was then, when I realized Rory wouldn't want this. She would want me to live. I had to follow what she wanted.

I prayed and hoped for my death to come soon but it would not be self-inflicted. I would stay alive for their sake.

After: (Author's POV)

Jess was diagnosed with cancer and died a week after he was informed of his sickness. It was not a very painful death. Everyone knew it was what he wanted. The day was mourned but also celebrated. Jess and Rory could finally be together and happy. At Jess's funeral even Taylor cried but they all saw the love and passion in it all. Starshollow would never be the same. Many people told the tale and everyone who did said there was a reason. And that reason was, they were meant for each other but their love was to great for this earth. Perhaps it is true, perhaps it isn't. But very few people, none at all actually, can tell this story without great sorrow for the world lost it's to most brightest people. The ones who weren't afraid of death. The one's who saw that love conquers all. But above all, everyone knew god had his reasons and they had a purpose. Love, in so many ways caused it but it was not really the readiness of Rory's love that caused it was the world, today which caused it. It was a sign. A sign that it needed to stop.

**AN: Tell me what you think. I don't know about this one. But.. I just... this story was so easy to write although it almost made me cry. This is for all the abused out there, you are not alone don't ever forget that, someone will be there to guide you. It was sad and depressing, no doubt but... I don't know where this came from but I wanted to show the depth of Jess's love. It's long, and I really do hope that you liked it... well it was to sad to be liked... oh, just leave a review please. **


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